One Stroke, Two Survivors

On July 14, 2001, my husband Herb survived a massive and debilitating stroke. He was one of approximately 700,000 stroke victims each year. Medical thinking predicted that he would probably end up in a nursing home with a feeding tube. We refused to accept the finality of this bleak assessment. For the years since, I’ve driven my husband and myself in a never-ending effort to further his recovery. As we inch our way forward, the process seems frustrating, agonizingly slow, and sometimes beyond our capabilities. We keep going because the alternatives are worse.

Our survival guide shares practical lessons and tips for the spousal caregiver. Without doubt, such hindsight would have made our own journey much easier.

Herb and I offer workable solutions that we discovered through trial-and-error with support from others on our team. We discuss issues that the professionals often avoid, including secondary complications, toileting, sex, finances, and even anger on both our sides. We recount our experiences in two voices and sometimes-differing viewpoints: mine, as the caregiver spouse, interspersed with Herb’s selective comments, as the stroke survivor. Perhaps as we lift the curtain to reveal the many personal and family issues that engulf survivors, our candidness will ease the journey for those who follow us.

The total loss from Herb’s stroke was so unacceptable and so limiting that I refused from the beginning to accept the “common wisdom” as the last word. Don’t allow yourself to accept this utter finality either. There is much you can do to fight back.

Together, Herb and I urge you to work hard and not give up hope!